"First comes love, then comes marriage; here comes 'Betty' pushing a baby carriage."
You remember the children's taunt that began with "'Bob' and 'Jill' sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g." As children we'd crank up that little jingle whenever a friend had a crush in order to embarrass them. For boys I'm sure that ditty always brought a blush of shame; for the girls, it was usually more a blush of excitement followed by a giggle of glee!
Well, now that we're moms; we're beyond this. We're living life after the carriage, so to speak. But, there are no straightforward, easy-to-follow guidelines for this stage set to a particular beat so we can remember them. We did okay with the checklist: Love, check. Marriage, check. Baby carriage, check!
Often, we as moms feel like we're aimlessly wandering around looking for some direction as our newborn screams his head off for no apparent reason for hours on end or our toddler pitches a fit when we try to help her get food to her mouth or our five-year-old refuses to eat his vegetables and drink his milk or our teenager's hair is suddenly spikey and hot pink.
I have never felt as stupid, inadequate and lost as I did right after Allie was born. I questioned EVERYTHING! I even wondered--yes, I know this is ridiculous; don't laugh too hard--if it was okay for me to wear deodorant while I was nursing. I know my armpit really isn't that close to my milk supply; but, at the time, my sleep-deprived mind frantically thought Allie would ingest the deodorant and die. (Okay, maybe I didn't really think anything that extreme, but you get the point.)
How do we bathe her? How in the world are we supposed to clip the fingernails on something so tiny? Do we use powder when we change her diaper or not? What in the heck are we supposed to do when she cries constantly for three hours every night? Will I ever sleep again? How can I function on no sleep? Will I ever be able to leave the house again/will she ever nurse for less than 22 of the 24 hours in a day? Will I ever be able to eat my dinner in peace? Will she ever get on a some sort of schedule that includes naps in her crib instead of my arms? Will I ever feel like ME again?
So many questions on this side of the carriage. All the children's rhymes in the world can't prepare a mother for her job. Even with the best advice from other mom friends, we still can't be fully prepared for every situation or know what to do when faced with each question of motherhood that arises. Every child is different; every situation is different. We have to learn as we go and remember to be flexible and patient.
We'll all make mistakes. That's inevitable. But, we have to do what we think is best for our children in every situation. As long as we do that and blanket our little ones with love, we're going to make it through life after the carriage!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Spaghetti Cupholder
So, my 13-month-old baby girl is starting to feed herself. This has actually been going on for several weeks, but she's finding more and more foods she's determined to be the only one to get in her mouth.
As I type this, Allie is feeding herself spaghetti and crowder peas. Peas, carrots, fruit and other things that look like or are typically considered "finger foods" have been Allie's territory for a while. Now, she's branching out and claiming all rights to spaghetti-feeding as well.
She, of course, does best with her hands; but she gives using a spoon or fork a very good try--and, occasionally, succeeds! She hates getting help and makes that very clear.
A few moments ago I had one of those experiences as a parent where your child is being disobedient or doing something wrong, but it's so darn funny you have a very hard time not laughing or at least smiling. Allie finished a big swallow of milk and proceeded to, very gently and purposefully, set the cup down in the middle of her spaghetti, as if that's exactly where it belonged.
I admit, I laughed. But, I turned my face very quickly, regained composure before turning back and sternly told her (while moving the now spaghetti-covered sippie cup) that her cup belongs in the cupholder, not her spaghetti.
I'm not the most patient person in the world (as my husband will readily attest to), so this is yet another difficult phase for me. I know before long I'll look back and say, "I can't believe I used to have to feed her at all!" Every little phase where she's learning something seems so difficult and never-ending at the time, but it really passes quickly. I just have to keep reminding myself of that!
As I type this, Allie is feeding herself spaghetti and crowder peas. Peas, carrots, fruit and other things that look like or are typically considered "finger foods" have been Allie's territory for a while. Now, she's branching out and claiming all rights to spaghetti-feeding as well.
She, of course, does best with her hands; but she gives using a spoon or fork a very good try--and, occasionally, succeeds! She hates getting help and makes that very clear.
A few moments ago I had one of those experiences as a parent where your child is being disobedient or doing something wrong, but it's so darn funny you have a very hard time not laughing or at least smiling. Allie finished a big swallow of milk and proceeded to, very gently and purposefully, set the cup down in the middle of her spaghetti, as if that's exactly where it belonged.
I admit, I laughed. But, I turned my face very quickly, regained composure before turning back and sternly told her (while moving the now spaghetti-covered sippie cup) that her cup belongs in the cupholder, not her spaghetti.
I'm not the most patient person in the world (as my husband will readily attest to), so this is yet another difficult phase for me. I know before long I'll look back and say, "I can't believe I used to have to feed her at all!" Every little phase where she's learning something seems so difficult and never-ending at the time, but it really passes quickly. I just have to keep reminding myself of that!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Encouragement
I meant to post last night but shut down my computer before I remembered--by then I was too tired to turn it back on!!
Yesterday was one of those days where things just weren't going quite right. We had napping issues and pottying issues, and I was just in a "blah" mood anyway. All day I kept thinking, "How am I going to write a positive, upbeat post on a blog for moms when I am the exact opposite of positive and upbeat?"
Then it hit me: I don't have to always be positive and upbeat or extremely helpful. I'm a mom; I have rough days just like every other mom. So, here's your encouragement: You're not alone when you have a bad day. There's nothing wrong with you; you're not a freak:) We all have them! The best thing to do is try not to let the little things (or the big things) get you down and keep pressing forward in this journey of motherhood!
Wherever you are, find fellow moms with little ones of similar ages and get together for playdates whenever you can. You can usually find this support in your church, your neighborhood or an online networking site.
Last weekend I discovered TriangleMommies.com. I have really, really enjoyed getting to "meet" moms in the area through the forums that are offered on the site. Today I got to go to my first playdate and thoroughly enjoyed putting faces with the names I'd become acquainted with online.
TriangleMommies is part of The Mommies Network. To find a group near you, click on the link. The Mommies Network started in Charlotte, NC. It never ceases to fascinate me what moms can create when they take their knowledge of a need and turn it into a passion to fill that need! (Mom4Life is proof of that--see an earlier post about this site!)
On TriangleMommies, you can find forums for each age group, many different stages of life (young moms, older moms, moms of multiples, stepmoms, pregnancy, trying to conceive, breastfeeding, etc.) and varying common interests (cooking, health, natural living, sports, movies and entertainment, etc.).
One of the hardest things about being a stay-at-home mom, especially, is the feeling of isolation (especially in the beginning). When you can't go out yet with a newborn or are tied down with constant breastfeeding, you can get online and join a forum discussion or a live chat with other moms going through similar things.
I have had several questions about things with Allie the past several days, so I've put up a few posts with these questions. Most had responses within the hour and several answers later in the day. I got a quicker answer about if twin sheets work on a toddler bed than I did when I called my pediatrician's office about Allie's half-shut swollen eye!
Anyway, I just want this post to be an encouragement to moms who feel like they're off on an island somewhere (and not in a good suntan, Mai Tai, ultimate peace and relaxation way). You're not alone, but it's up to you to find a strong system to surround you. Let me know where you find your support!
Yesterday was one of those days where things just weren't going quite right. We had napping issues and pottying issues, and I was just in a "blah" mood anyway. All day I kept thinking, "How am I going to write a positive, upbeat post on a blog for moms when I am the exact opposite of positive and upbeat?"
Then it hit me: I don't have to always be positive and upbeat or extremely helpful. I'm a mom; I have rough days just like every other mom. So, here's your encouragement: You're not alone when you have a bad day. There's nothing wrong with you; you're not a freak:) We all have them! The best thing to do is try not to let the little things (or the big things) get you down and keep pressing forward in this journey of motherhood!
Wherever you are, find fellow moms with little ones of similar ages and get together for playdates whenever you can. You can usually find this support in your church, your neighborhood or an online networking site.
Last weekend I discovered TriangleMommies.com. I have really, really enjoyed getting to "meet" moms in the area through the forums that are offered on the site. Today I got to go to my first playdate and thoroughly enjoyed putting faces with the names I'd become acquainted with online.
TriangleMommies is part of The Mommies Network. To find a group near you, click on the link. The Mommies Network started in Charlotte, NC. It never ceases to fascinate me what moms can create when they take their knowledge of a need and turn it into a passion to fill that need! (Mom4Life is proof of that--see an earlier post about this site!)
On TriangleMommies, you can find forums for each age group, many different stages of life (young moms, older moms, moms of multiples, stepmoms, pregnancy, trying to conceive, breastfeeding, etc.) and varying common interests (cooking, health, natural living, sports, movies and entertainment, etc.).
One of the hardest things about being a stay-at-home mom, especially, is the feeling of isolation (especially in the beginning). When you can't go out yet with a newborn or are tied down with constant breastfeeding, you can get online and join a forum discussion or a live chat with other moms going through similar things.
I have had several questions about things with Allie the past several days, so I've put up a few posts with these questions. Most had responses within the hour and several answers later in the day. I got a quicker answer about if twin sheets work on a toddler bed than I did when I called my pediatrician's office about Allie's half-shut swollen eye!
Anyway, I just want this post to be an encouragement to moms who feel like they're off on an island somewhere (and not in a good suntan, Mai Tai, ultimate peace and relaxation way). You're not alone, but it's up to you to find a strong system to surround you. Let me know where you find your support!
Monday, October 6, 2008
The Grocery Store Dread
Some of you may think "weird title;" others know what I mean. My week revolves around the grocery store: Thursday is grocery day. Then, Friday begins my mental and emotional preparations for the following Thursday. The week rises up into a crescendo of sorts on Wednesday when I carefully scan the pantry, the freezer and the fridge; scout the weekly flyers; make out a meal plan, followed by a grocery list; and check them twice. Then, it's off to bed to get a good night's rest for game day.
I don't dread grocery day for the obvious reasons: senior citizens blocking the aisles and walking slower than I thought possible in search of their prunes and fiber supplements; frazzled moms with multiple kids pulling at them as they desperately search for the "cool" cereal of the week to make the little ones pipe down for at least a few minutes.
No, I dread grocery day because my heart sinks through the floor when I see the cost for a measly four to six bags of groceries. We don't buy name brand; we don't buy snacks and treats and "extras." We get the bare essentials, and still spend more than we can really afford.
Here's where I ask for your help. I'm tired of clicking on the links that promise the secret to spending less at the grocery. Every time I go to one of those articles I realize I'm already doing everything they say.
Now, I'm not a huge coupon person; however, I have discovered that it's usually cheaper to get the Great Value brand at Wal-Mart than to use a coupon for a name brand of the same thing.
I do use coupons when it makes sense or for a splurge now and then. For instance, I LOVE Coffeemate's Pumpkin Spice creamer. When I passed Starbuck's in Target the other day and smelled their pumpkin spice coffee, I knew I wasn't going to be getting that heavenly aroma out of my mind any time soon. So, I came home and did what any resourceful woman would do. I got online, found the Coffeemate website and got two coupons. I was ecstatic about going to the store that week! I eagerly wheeled the cart up to the milk/creamer section and lifted out that colorful container of delicious pumpkin spice flavoring. With my $1 off coupon; I only paid $0.50 for it!!
But I digress....
Here's a rundown of what I already do to save: I buy only generic brands (for the most part) unless a coupon for a name brand makes it cheaper. We eat very little meat. Maybe once every month or two we'll have chicken breasts. Whenever Kroger puts their whole fryers on sale, I buy as many as they let me--then we eat like royalty! I can stretch a whole chicken out to make several dishes that will cover 6-7 meals. (I'm not bragging or anything!) Once or twice a month, we have tacos; so I buy turkey for that. Other than that, we dine mostly on starches, veggies and fruits.
My husband is in seminary, and we are blessed to have access to the Manna Ministry. They have "day-old" breads, bagels, English muffins and pastries that the grocery stores in our area can no longer sell. We get it for free--what a blessing!!
I don't cook gourmet (as much as I'd love to). We eat simple meals without expensive spices or other pricey ingredients. Some of our favorite dishes are the ones that provide enough for 2-3 meals for only $3-5.
I do check the grocery ads for the week to catch any good sales; however, I've learned not to fall victim to a great sale when it's not something we need or I could substitute in for another meal or two that week. And, I do the majority of my shopping at Wal-Mart because it is cheaper; regardless of what anyone says. I do buy bananas, milk and diapers at Target because they are cheaper.
I check price comparisons of the bigger package vs. the smaller one. Typically the larger the package, the less expensive it is in the long run. If we're running low on money or have several bigger purchases to make that week, I may choose the smaller one; but I typically go with the better buy. I have noticed a few things where bigger is not always better (salad dressing, for instance); for those, you'd pay more for the convenience of not having to buy as often (I choose the better deal over convenience).
Like I mentioned before, we don't buy junk food. We'll get stuff occasionally, but usually get it at the Dollar Tree instead. The only "junk foods" we get regularly are peanut butter or cheese crackers (for Tony's breaks at work and me to grab quickly while I'm running around with Allie) and tortilla chips and salsa. We get the cheapest brand of crackers and chips, though.
Whenever I get household products (detergent, paper towels) or personal products (toothpaste, body wash), I make sure I'm getting the best deal.
No matter how hard I try, I still end up heartbroken as I walk away from that cash register.
So, what do you suggest? I'm open to all the work that goes into coupons; but I just don't think it would really be a better deal or make it worth all the effort. If you can prove to me otherwise I'll sign up right away!!
I don't dread grocery day for the obvious reasons: senior citizens blocking the aisles and walking slower than I thought possible in search of their prunes and fiber supplements; frazzled moms with multiple kids pulling at them as they desperately search for the "cool" cereal of the week to make the little ones pipe down for at least a few minutes.
No, I dread grocery day because my heart sinks through the floor when I see the cost for a measly four to six bags of groceries. We don't buy name brand; we don't buy snacks and treats and "extras." We get the bare essentials, and still spend more than we can really afford.
Here's where I ask for your help. I'm tired of clicking on the links that promise the secret to spending less at the grocery. Every time I go to one of those articles I realize I'm already doing everything they say.
Now, I'm not a huge coupon person; however, I have discovered that it's usually cheaper to get the Great Value brand at Wal-Mart than to use a coupon for a name brand of the same thing.
I do use coupons when it makes sense or for a splurge now and then. For instance, I LOVE Coffeemate's Pumpkin Spice creamer. When I passed Starbuck's in Target the other day and smelled their pumpkin spice coffee, I knew I wasn't going to be getting that heavenly aroma out of my mind any time soon. So, I came home and did what any resourceful woman would do. I got online, found the Coffeemate website and got two coupons. I was ecstatic about going to the store that week! I eagerly wheeled the cart up to the milk/creamer section and lifted out that colorful container of delicious pumpkin spice flavoring. With my $1 off coupon; I only paid $0.50 for it!!
But I digress....
Here's a rundown of what I already do to save: I buy only generic brands (for the most part) unless a coupon for a name brand makes it cheaper. We eat very little meat. Maybe once every month or two we'll have chicken breasts. Whenever Kroger puts their whole fryers on sale, I buy as many as they let me--then we eat like royalty! I can stretch a whole chicken out to make several dishes that will cover 6-7 meals. (I'm not bragging or anything!) Once or twice a month, we have tacos; so I buy turkey for that. Other than that, we dine mostly on starches, veggies and fruits.
My husband is in seminary, and we are blessed to have access to the Manna Ministry. They have "day-old" breads, bagels, English muffins and pastries that the grocery stores in our area can no longer sell. We get it for free--what a blessing!!
I don't cook gourmet (as much as I'd love to). We eat simple meals without expensive spices or other pricey ingredients. Some of our favorite dishes are the ones that provide enough for 2-3 meals for only $3-5.
I do check the grocery ads for the week to catch any good sales; however, I've learned not to fall victim to a great sale when it's not something we need or I could substitute in for another meal or two that week. And, I do the majority of my shopping at Wal-Mart because it is cheaper; regardless of what anyone says. I do buy bananas, milk and diapers at Target because they are cheaper.
I check price comparisons of the bigger package vs. the smaller one. Typically the larger the package, the less expensive it is in the long run. If we're running low on money or have several bigger purchases to make that week, I may choose the smaller one; but I typically go with the better buy. I have noticed a few things where bigger is not always better (salad dressing, for instance); for those, you'd pay more for the convenience of not having to buy as often (I choose the better deal over convenience).
Like I mentioned before, we don't buy junk food. We'll get stuff occasionally, but usually get it at the Dollar Tree instead. The only "junk foods" we get regularly are peanut butter or cheese crackers (for Tony's breaks at work and me to grab quickly while I'm running around with Allie) and tortilla chips and salsa. We get the cheapest brand of crackers and chips, though.
Whenever I get household products (detergent, paper towels) or personal products (toothpaste, body wash), I make sure I'm getting the best deal.
No matter how hard I try, I still end up heartbroken as I walk away from that cash register.
So, what do you suggest? I'm open to all the work that goes into coupons; but I just don't think it would really be a better deal or make it worth all the effort. If you can prove to me otherwise I'll sign up right away!!
Boo or Boob?
Allie's first word was "cat." She said it clear as day while pointing toward the cat. It happened a few days before her first birthday. That was the first and last time she's said it.
Since then, she's said "Charlie" (the cat's name), "birthday" (on her birthday), "keys" and a few other random things. Although she said each of these words as clearly as you please, none of them has "stuck." I know this is completely normal and probably all kids do this.
However, one work has stuck. Allie likes to point at me, my stomach or (most often) my chest and happily say "boob." Now, to be completely honest the second "b" isn't always clear. She tightly presses her little lips together and says "boo" or "boob." She's always so happy about it, too!
Tony and I have joked (although there's a certain level of fear behind my laugh) that Allie is going to say it loudly one day during an especially quiet time at church. So far, she hasn't done it in public.
Now, there are two ways I can look at my daughter's favorite word. I could be flattered and honored that she "remembers" the fact that I struggled and labored and persevered to breastfeed her until she was 10 and a half months old and decided she was done with nursing. (We had many issues with breastfeeding; but I'll save that for another post.)
On the other hand, I could be humiliated that my daughter would think I'm a "boob." And, on the days when I'm moping and choosing to feel sorry for myself; that's the thought process that wins.
Of course, there is one final way I could view her name for me. I could decide that she really isn't saying that second "b," and she thinks of her mommy as her "boo." It sure feels a lot better to be considered someone's "boo" than a "boob!"
Since then, she's said "Charlie" (the cat's name), "birthday" (on her birthday), "keys" and a few other random things. Although she said each of these words as clearly as you please, none of them has "stuck." I know this is completely normal and probably all kids do this.
However, one work has stuck. Allie likes to point at me, my stomach or (most often) my chest and happily say "boob." Now, to be completely honest the second "b" isn't always clear. She tightly presses her little lips together and says "boo" or "boob." She's always so happy about it, too!
Tony and I have joked (although there's a certain level of fear behind my laugh) that Allie is going to say it loudly one day during an especially quiet time at church. So far, she hasn't done it in public.
Now, there are two ways I can look at my daughter's favorite word. I could be flattered and honored that she "remembers" the fact that I struggled and labored and persevered to breastfeed her until she was 10 and a half months old and decided she was done with nursing. (We had many issues with breastfeeding; but I'll save that for another post.)
On the other hand, I could be humiliated that my daughter would think I'm a "boob." And, on the days when I'm moping and choosing to feel sorry for myself; that's the thought process that wins.
Of course, there is one final way I could view her name for me. I could decide that she really isn't saying that second "b," and she thinks of her mommy as her "boo." It sure feels a lot better to be considered someone's "boo" than a "boob!"
Saturday, October 4, 2008
My Favorite Mom Links
I want to share my three favorite "mommy links" with you:
http://www.babiesandmomsradio.com/
http://www.mom4life.com/
http://blog.mom4life.com/
Around the time Allie was seven or eight months old, and I was at my lowest point; I discovered Babies and Moms Radio. I don't remember where I discovered them, but when I did I signed up for their podcasts. It took me a while to "get around" to listening to them. When I did, I suddenly felt like I wasn't alone in this whole "mom thing." These moms talked about real issues and activities they faced or did with their own children: teething woes and sign language with babies are the two topics that come to mind.
One of the topics stood out to me above the others, but I kept finding reasons not to listen to it. The title was "Postpartum Depression." Whenever I would glance over it I would have thoughts like: "I'm not depressed." "That's not a real thing." "Depression is a sign of weakness, and I'm not weak." "If I admit I'm depressed, I'll have to do something about it." "If I tell anyone I'm depressed, I'll have to go to a doctor; and he'll want me to get on some kind of drugs."
Well, I finally listened to it. I can't tell you what they said. I don't remember a single word. All I remember was thinking, "I'm not the only woman who struggles with these feelings?!?!?!?" A couple of the moms who host the show spoke of their own postpartum issues. That put a personal, real-life spin on it for me.
Listening to that podcast was the beginning of better times for me. Believe me, I still struggle--every day (sometimes, every minute); but at least I know now that I'm not alone.
I think the biggest frustration for me was looking around me at all these other moms who seemed to have no problem with everything. They seemed to have it all together. Not one of the many new mothers around me (I live in the "fertile" Triangle of North Carolina) talked about struggling with depression or hating being cooped up in a house all day with an often-screaming baby or resenting the physical torture you go through with delivery and breastfeeding, not to mention the extreme exhaustion from sleepless nights. NO ONE TALKED ABOUT IT; so I thought I must be the only one, and something must be wrong with me. I was obviously a terrible, unfit mother.
Anyway, the Babies and Moms Radio site led me to Mom4Life. A few brief moments of browsing at the online store had me hooked! They sell products by moms, for moms. Plus, they have free shipping AND 10 percent of every sale's proceeds goes to a pregnancy care center--now that's shopping I can get on board with (and not feel guilty)!
Soon after I discovered Mom4Life, I found Heather Ledeboer's blog. Heather is the site's owner, and one of the most remarkable, godly women I've had the privilege of "meeting" in cyberspace. Her third child, Sawyer, was born on May 10 of this year. Though his birth was beautiful and remarkable, Sawyer wasn't able to greet his family with the cry they had longed to hear. They learned a few days before he was born that his heart was no longer beating, just three weeks shy of his due date.
I have kept up with her blog posts as she has been candid and open for the whole world to see. She has shone with the love and peace of God with a faith that could only come from an almighty, sovereign Creator. Though she has cried and questioned the whys of this tragic loss; she has also rejoiced in people who have found hope through her words or comfort in their own times of loss or--and here's the best part--have come to know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior! Sawyer may have never drawn a breath outside the womb on this earth, but his life was not in vain.
Anyway, I wanted to share these awesome sites with you. If you plan on going back and reading Heather's blog from the beginning of the end of Sawyer's earthly life (and I hope you do), I would encourage you to grab a huge box of tissues! I've shed many a tear at my computer over her words through the past five months, but I wouldn't take any of them back.
I want to say a special thanks to Heather Ledeboer for taking the time to read this blog before I posted it and for allowing me to share a little bit of her story. You're such an inspiration, Heather!!
http://www.babiesandmomsradio.com/
http://www.mom4life.com/
http://blog.mom4life.com/
Around the time Allie was seven or eight months old, and I was at my lowest point; I discovered Babies and Moms Radio. I don't remember where I discovered them, but when I did I signed up for their podcasts. It took me a while to "get around" to listening to them. When I did, I suddenly felt like I wasn't alone in this whole "mom thing." These moms talked about real issues and activities they faced or did with their own children: teething woes and sign language with babies are the two topics that come to mind.
One of the topics stood out to me above the others, but I kept finding reasons not to listen to it. The title was "Postpartum Depression." Whenever I would glance over it I would have thoughts like: "I'm not depressed." "That's not a real thing." "Depression is a sign of weakness, and I'm not weak." "If I admit I'm depressed, I'll have to do something about it." "If I tell anyone I'm depressed, I'll have to go to a doctor; and he'll want me to get on some kind of drugs."
Well, I finally listened to it. I can't tell you what they said. I don't remember a single word. All I remember was thinking, "I'm not the only woman who struggles with these feelings?!?!?!?" A couple of the moms who host the show spoke of their own postpartum issues. That put a personal, real-life spin on it for me.
Listening to that podcast was the beginning of better times for me. Believe me, I still struggle--every day (sometimes, every minute); but at least I know now that I'm not alone.
I think the biggest frustration for me was looking around me at all these other moms who seemed to have no problem with everything. They seemed to have it all together. Not one of the many new mothers around me (I live in the "fertile" Triangle of North Carolina) talked about struggling with depression or hating being cooped up in a house all day with an often-screaming baby or resenting the physical torture you go through with delivery and breastfeeding, not to mention the extreme exhaustion from sleepless nights. NO ONE TALKED ABOUT IT; so I thought I must be the only one, and something must be wrong with me. I was obviously a terrible, unfit mother.
Anyway, the Babies and Moms Radio site led me to Mom4Life. A few brief moments of browsing at the online store had me hooked! They sell products by moms, for moms. Plus, they have free shipping AND 10 percent of every sale's proceeds goes to a pregnancy care center--now that's shopping I can get on board with (and not feel guilty)!
Soon after I discovered Mom4Life, I found Heather Ledeboer's blog. Heather is the site's owner, and one of the most remarkable, godly women I've had the privilege of "meeting" in cyberspace. Her third child, Sawyer, was born on May 10 of this year. Though his birth was beautiful and remarkable, Sawyer wasn't able to greet his family with the cry they had longed to hear. They learned a few days before he was born that his heart was no longer beating, just three weeks shy of his due date.
I have kept up with her blog posts as she has been candid and open for the whole world to see. She has shone with the love and peace of God with a faith that could only come from an almighty, sovereign Creator. Though she has cried and questioned the whys of this tragic loss; she has also rejoiced in people who have found hope through her words or comfort in their own times of loss or--and here's the best part--have come to know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior! Sawyer may have never drawn a breath outside the womb on this earth, but his life was not in vain.
Anyway, I wanted to share these awesome sites with you. If you plan on going back and reading Heather's blog from the beginning of the end of Sawyer's earthly life (and I hope you do), I would encourage you to grab a huge box of tissues! I've shed many a tear at my computer over her words through the past five months, but I wouldn't take any of them back.
I want to say a special thanks to Heather Ledeboer for taking the time to read this blog before I posted it and for allowing me to share a little bit of her story. You're such an inspiration, Heather!!
The Toughest, Best Job on Earth
Motherhood doesn't come with a manual. In the morning, a mom doesn't wake up and roll over to find a detailed account of how to tackle each situation of the day ahead alongside her coffee mug.
Whether you're a stay-at-home mom, a work-at-home mom or a career mom, the fact remains you have to juggle at least three jobs: wife, mom and household coordinator. The function of a coordinator means you have to keep up with everyone's schedules, manage the meals, get the groceries, handle the bills, keep up with the laundry and clean the house (among other things). That's a full-time job right there.
Our society looks down on the importance and difficulty involved in being a mother. Stay-at-home moms especially find themselves shunned and/or scrutinized for the decision they made to make their child or children their sole focus. What could they possibly have to do all day beside sit on the sofa watching soap operas and eating bon-bons. And, most people don't see any difference between a stay-at-home mom and a work-at-home mom; so the women in that category get the same reactions.
Then, you have the working mom. Well, she gets the jabs from both sides: she needs to pour it all into her job to climb that ladder; and she needs to have the perfect kids and be the perfect mom who's always there for every PTA meeting, recital or game.
What people who aren't moms don't realize is the job of mother, by itself, is THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD. If anyone wants to disagree, I'd be happy to give them a moment-by-moment glimpse into my day--and I only have one child right now!
Children require total emotional, physical and mental focus throughout the day. Even when their children are tucked away in dreamland, moms replay decisions they made throughout the day, fretting over whether they chose correctly or not. Even in their sleep, moms dream they're feeding their children, dressing them, going through the routine of potty training, packing their bags and putting them together to go to the store, etc.
Being a mom is the only true 24/7/365 job. I have to be honest; I struggled with motherhood when I first had Allie. I'm sure I will dedicate later posts to that topic. I'll never forget the day it hit me that I'll never have another day off and can't call in sick. Man, did that set me into a nosedive!!
Even women blessed with the most supportive and helpful of husbands (like me) get overwhelmed at the fact that so many things rely on them. Allie wants Me to read her bedtime stories; Allie prefers sometimes for ME to take her to the potty; Allie often fusses unless she gets her dinner from ME. Plus, moms just KNOW where things go, why little ones are fussy and where the monsters hide. We understand that the pink cup is for breakfast and the blue cup is for going out to a restaurant, although it makes no sense to anyone else.
So, I write all this to encourage moms everywhere that you are amazing! You have the toughest job on the planet and juggle it with at least a couple more full-time jobs. How you do it, I'll never understand; but I do know that your job will have eternal results because you are molding, loving and training tomorrow's leaders--tell that to the CEO of some big stuffy company who wants to look down his nose at you when he learns you're "just a mom!" I don't think his million-dollar bank account and mansion with all the latest electronics can compete with eternity:)
Whether you're a stay-at-home mom, a work-at-home mom or a career mom, the fact remains you have to juggle at least three jobs: wife, mom and household coordinator. The function of a coordinator means you have to keep up with everyone's schedules, manage the meals, get the groceries, handle the bills, keep up with the laundry and clean the house (among other things). That's a full-time job right there.
Our society looks down on the importance and difficulty involved in being a mother. Stay-at-home moms especially find themselves shunned and/or scrutinized for the decision they made to make their child or children their sole focus. What could they possibly have to do all day beside sit on the sofa watching soap operas and eating bon-bons. And, most people don't see any difference between a stay-at-home mom and a work-at-home mom; so the women in that category get the same reactions.
Then, you have the working mom. Well, she gets the jabs from both sides: she needs to pour it all into her job to climb that ladder; and she needs to have the perfect kids and be the perfect mom who's always there for every PTA meeting, recital or game.
What people who aren't moms don't realize is the job of mother, by itself, is THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD. If anyone wants to disagree, I'd be happy to give them a moment-by-moment glimpse into my day--and I only have one child right now!
Children require total emotional, physical and mental focus throughout the day. Even when their children are tucked away in dreamland, moms replay decisions they made throughout the day, fretting over whether they chose correctly or not. Even in their sleep, moms dream they're feeding their children, dressing them, going through the routine of potty training, packing their bags and putting them together to go to the store, etc.
Being a mom is the only true 24/7/365 job. I have to be honest; I struggled with motherhood when I first had Allie. I'm sure I will dedicate later posts to that topic. I'll never forget the day it hit me that I'll never have another day off and can't call in sick. Man, did that set me into a nosedive!!
Even women blessed with the most supportive and helpful of husbands (like me) get overwhelmed at the fact that so many things rely on them. Allie wants Me to read her bedtime stories; Allie prefers sometimes for ME to take her to the potty; Allie often fusses unless she gets her dinner from ME. Plus, moms just KNOW where things go, why little ones are fussy and where the monsters hide. We understand that the pink cup is for breakfast and the blue cup is for going out to a restaurant, although it makes no sense to anyone else.
So, I write all this to encourage moms everywhere that you are amazing! You have the toughest job on the planet and juggle it with at least a couple more full-time jobs. How you do it, I'll never understand; but I do know that your job will have eternal results because you are molding, loving and training tomorrow's leaders--tell that to the CEO of some big stuffy company who wants to look down his nose at you when he learns you're "just a mom!" I don't think his million-dollar bank account and mansion with all the latest electronics can compete with eternity:)
Friday, October 3, 2008
Identity Crisis
Who am I? I've asked myself that question so many times throughout my life. We live in a culture where, to some extent, a person's identity and the answer to that question define their worth and station in society.
Moms struggle with identities fused with their husbands' and kids'. They're called "Bob's wife" and "Susie's mom." They remember life before "Bob" and "Susie"--when they were their own person; when they were known as "Sally, the great cook" or "Annie, the amazing lawyer" or "Betty, the greatest teacher ever."
But at the end of the day--when all the little ones are tucked into bed, dinner's put away, the house is put back in some semblance of order, and she's laying next to "Bob"--she knows she'd wouldn't want to be called by any other names than the ones she answers to now.
When we're known as someone's wife or someone's mother, it means we're regarded with honor at the way we support our husbands or care for our children. Our commitment and dedication to them is noticed and admired by those titles. It means we're doing our jobs!
Once we get to the place where we can embrace this and understand the beauty of it, we'll be happier and feel more satisfied in our station of life and in the jobs we proudly hold.
I admit, I struggle daily with this and many other things; but I'm working on it. That's part of what this blog is about; it's me "figuring it all out" in the only way I know how: By writing out my thoughts. My hope is that you will find help in "figuring it all out" as you read and react to my posts.
We're all on a journey together. It's a rough road, but it leads somewhere--somewhere eternal. When we find our ultimate identity in God, that's when we find true peace and contentment. This is the identity that truly matters, much more than our identities as wives and mothers.
Actually, it sounds pretty good to be called "Molly, daughter of the King;" don't you think?
Moms struggle with identities fused with their husbands' and kids'. They're called "Bob's wife" and "Susie's mom." They remember life before "Bob" and "Susie"--when they were their own person; when they were known as "Sally, the great cook" or "Annie, the amazing lawyer" or "Betty, the greatest teacher ever."
But at the end of the day--when all the little ones are tucked into bed, dinner's put away, the house is put back in some semblance of order, and she's laying next to "Bob"--she knows she'd wouldn't want to be called by any other names than the ones she answers to now.
When we're known as someone's wife or someone's mother, it means we're regarded with honor at the way we support our husbands or care for our children. Our commitment and dedication to them is noticed and admired by those titles. It means we're doing our jobs!
Once we get to the place where we can embrace this and understand the beauty of it, we'll be happier and feel more satisfied in our station of life and in the jobs we proudly hold.
I admit, I struggle daily with this and many other things; but I'm working on it. That's part of what this blog is about; it's me "figuring it all out" in the only way I know how: By writing out my thoughts. My hope is that you will find help in "figuring it all out" as you read and react to my posts.
We're all on a journey together. It's a rough road, but it leads somewhere--somewhere eternal. When we find our ultimate identity in God, that's when we find true peace and contentment. This is the identity that truly matters, much more than our identities as wives and mothers.
Actually, it sounds pretty good to be called "Molly, daughter of the King;" don't you think?
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